Then I came across this book, 'Think Like A Man; Act Like A Lady,' by Steve Harvey. If I read this book five years ago, I would have discarded it after five minutes for it was against all my feminist beliefs and values. Being thirty-four with a broken marriage allowed me to be more flexible and forgiving, and I finished reading in two days.
Upon the last page, the first thought that came to my mind was, 'Maybe I should become a lesbian!' Really, that was not a joke. I gave that thought a large amount of consideration before decided, 'Nope, I don't think that would solve my problems at all.'
Steve talked about what men want and need in a relationship. Men, according to Steve, are simple creatures. They want to 'profess, protect, and provide' for their women. In other words, a woman could be independent all she wants, but act in a way that allows men to 'profess, protect, and provide' her. And then, they need 'love, sex, and support' from their women. Then he went on answering the common answers women asked about men such as 'Does man like skinny woman?' and others. That's all in his book. To be honest, regardless of how negative I felt about his book, I must admit that there were so many truths in his writing. My ah hah moment, 'Damn, I don't know a thing about men!'
Then memories flowed back to me, with teenage years when only a few boys asked me out, and then stopped dating me shortly. The early 20's were full of community events when I rarely had time for my first relationship, during which I played the role of a supporter/advisor rather than a girlfriend. A couple of proposals here and there from mature men who were at least eight years older than I was. At that time I was really puzzled what they found attractive in a young woman like me. And my marriage with the man whom I loved dearly and played the role not only supporter, but also mother, older sister, manager, and counselor. I never had a chance to let anyone 'protect' and 'provide' for me. I never felt comfortable letting anyone paid for my dinner or took care of me physically. No wonder they could not feel 'man' enough around me, and the results were obvious - break up.
Knowing this, I don't think I would start hunting for men who could 'profess, protect, or provide' for me. Nope, that will not work for me at all. I will not pretend to be weak or dependent to gain someone's love. If someone is strong enough to convince me to lean on him temporarily when I need him, it would be lovely. Otherwise, I'd rather stay on my own.
One thing that concerns me about this book is that it did not mention about one's values or culture at all. The book is all about what men are and the techniques to earn and retain their love. But it did not talk about the women's self-discovery, their values, and how they should function in relationship. I think all of these are vital to a person's ability to love and to remain in love.
Coming back to my concerns about relationship and men-women love, the answers to my questions and issues are nowhere in the horizon yet. Sometimes I laughed at myself because it seemed like I successfully discovered my career calling, so happy in what I did for a living, and so sure of who I was in term of my life's purpose. Yet on the other hand I had no clue whatsoever about the opposite gender, how to love them, and how to be in love. Well, it is a learning process, I guess, just like everything else in life.
My brother said once to me, love is art. I like to learn about this art very much. My goal is to master it without losing who I am.
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